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Showing posts with label Dear Diary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dear Diary. Show all posts

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Hey! It's my life!

I’ve just watched “ the lovely bones” movies and I am not quite happy with the ending. I know the killer finally died, he slipped into a ravine and died alone, cold, buried in snow. I guess it’s God’s punishment to him…but still..I’m not quite happy! He must be punished into jail, he must endure a painful time all of his life in prison..then he died miserably! Ok! Ok! I’m too overwhelmed! But I hate to see the killer go free like that! He can run and live like nothing happen even after the evidence was found. Well,actually, it’s a happy ending movie. The family finally moves on, they live happily, the death girl finally understood that she must let go of her hatred so she could go to heaven. But, I’m still pondering what if..what if..and what if I control the story? It will be better than the movie, rite? Am I rite? Am I rite? According to whom? me? Yeah! Of course!

This comes to my thoughts..if I had a privilege to control my own life story, what would it be? I could control where I want to be born, from what kind of family, what kind of heritage, the way I look (I’m pretty already? Am i? thank you! Thank you! ^_^), where did I go to schools, my talents and skills (wow!), my love story (ahem!* clearing throats*), my friends, my career, my wealth, etc..Wouldn’t it be nice and wonderful? I can do whatever I want, hey! I control my own world! It’s my life! *It’s my life-Bon Jovi echoing*

Part Two! Ok! Let say I had that special ‘gift’ to control my own life! But sometimes things don’t go as we expect rite? What if the economic collapses, natural disasters are everywhere, my loved ones get sick and died, or I got an accident and become disabled (extremely saying). Those things are the things that I can’t control since I can only control my OWN life! Surely it’s unrelated to others’ life or to the world, isn’t it? So, what is my pride then?

Part three! Another scenario! If I’m to control my own life, what would it be? I mean the scenario of my life. Surely, I will put all the best stories in my life. No sadness, no disappointment, no heart aches, no tears, no sickness? Ok, that’s too much! Mmm..maybe a little bit disappointment and heart aches (just a lil bit, pls?) but voila! I’d overcome it then live happily, a little bit sickness (a light one, ok?uhm..like flu, headache and cough?) then got healed (just take aspirin and Panadol, Alice!) That would be a nice story! According to whom? me again? Uhmm…it’s all about me, after all!

What if..IF! IF? IF God grants me this silly-selfish-careless wish of mine, what will happen next? First thing for sure, I WILL forget and leave God. Why would I need Him anyway? Hey! I can control my life! I don’t need His guidance. I don’t care about other people as long as I’m happy. What would I bother about others? *knock knock! Anybody home?* *could you please take a look at part two above* everybody needs God, even when they say they don’t! Want a proof? When disasters come, all those miserable humans who endure it, they will try to find God or gods. They cry desperately for help, and knowing the human can’t help, they will cry for the utmost source of help. Normally people don’t look for God when everything seems ok. But when they face trouble, they know God is the only One who can help, they will cry “O God, please help me! O God! O my God!“

Luckily, I don’t have that kind of silly privilege. If yes, the story would be a boring movie to others who watch it (even it’s a nice story according to me alone). What is the beautiful story then? If the story is to be a beautiful symphony that others can enjoy like comforting those who are hurt since I was hurt before, feeling the pain of others since I know what it feels like, be a strength to the weak, and so on and so on (u name it)…then who do I trust my life with?

Jer 9:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."

Life is not about our own happiness. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled.
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Thursday, June 17, 2010

Dear heart...


Dear heart,

Don't lose hope and don't be dismayed...
Be of good cheer for the One who lives in you said that He has overcome the world

Don't listen to them and trust the negative things they said...
Please step carefully and trust the One whose promises are like pure gold

Be still and be patient..for God is not finished with me yet...
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Friday, June 4, 2010

Unspoken thoughts..

It's not just about having the good time or bad time
It's not about how content i was..
hmm..talking about contentment, yes, i felt content, i got what i want, and it run perfectly as i planned.
but i'm looking for more than that...
"the true sincerity of an intimacy" I guess that's the perfect sentence to describe my thoughts..
time is never enough, even there's a limitation of anything. But how I wish I could freeze the time, even if it will take like forever?
Please, I just need more time..more time to spend..more time to..well..hmm..
you would never know how
you would never know why
you would never know what
you would never know when
Cos I also don't know how to answer that...
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